Challenge's Eve

As I prepare to start the Food Stamp Challenge tomorrow, I admit I am a little nervous.  On the one hand, I feel like I have a few things going for me.  First, I have always considered myself a thrifty shopper.  I regularly shop sales, make meal plans, stick to my list and clip coupons – all things I learned from my mother.  Our family also rarely eats out, so I am used to preparing most of our meals, and I have been off caffeine for the most part since my pregnancies, so coffee or sodas are not must-haves for me.  Lastly, we are “home vegetarians” – I don’t prepare meat for us at home, so that is not a part of my normal weekly shopping budget. I am hopeful these few things will give me an edge on the difficulty of this challenge, but time will tell. 

Some of my nerves for now concern the time it will take to budget and count the cost of everything I eat or drink.  I may be used to shopping for sale items and planning meals ahead of time, but I am certainly not used to keeping track of the costs per meal.  How much does a serving of cereal cost?  One apple?  A glass of milk?  I am not a fan of math, so I do not look forward to the figuring that will have to go into eating this week.  Thank goodness for calculators! 

The last comment I want to make before the Challenge starts is about my family.  I decided not to include my children in the Challenge, and this was a tough decision for me.  When I first read about it, I thought I would definitely include the whole family since I felt it would give me the most authentic experience: I would not only learn how it feels to worry about whether I will have enough to eat but whether my children will also have enough.  But the closer the Challenge has gotten, the more I have felt that I can’t do it. 

I am somewhat ashamed that I’ve decided to chicken out on involving them, since I realize there are so many mothers who are forced to feel those feelings and have those fears about their children.  Surely it is one of the most natural of all instincts as a mother to want to feed your children when they are hungry.  I am easily reduced to tears when I read or see a news story about hungry children; I’ve always felt that world hunger is the issue that squeezes my heart the hardest, and since having children of my own, it has only intensified as I try to put myself in those parents’ shoes. To think of my 19-month-old son telling me “More!  More!” and having to say “No, that’s all there is for tonight,” is a scenario I don’t think I could stand up to – not by choice. It breaks my heart to imagine how helpless so many parents must feel who truly have no other choice.        

So the process to even consider putting my children in a position where they might be hungry has provided an emotionally taxing start to the Challenge for me.  I am nervous, but also hopeful that I will continue to be affected on an emotional level this week.